Dog Tales

Dog's Pet Peeves about Human's

1. Blaming your farts on me - not funny, not funny at all.

2. Yelling at me for barking - I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG!!

3. How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn't all over everything while you're gone. Have you noticed that your toothbrush tastes a little like cat-butt?

4. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyhow?

5. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose - stop it.

6. Yelling at me for rubbing my butt on your carpet - Why'd you buy a carpet?

7. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing ... !

8. How you act disgusted when I lick myself - Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous.

9. Dog sweaters - Have you noticed the fur?

10. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons - Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.

11. When you pick up the crap piles in the yard - Do you realize how far behind schedule that puts me?

12. The sleight of hand, fake fetch-throw - You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain!

13. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip," then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back.