Blathering on!

Ok...I doubt if I will make much sense out of all the muddle in my mind but I will try...

I was incredibly HURT by something that was written about me to the board of directors of the playhouse. I will not get into the details, but I was betrayed...I will not get a play this coming season. Nevermind that GODSPELL! Was the highest money maker this season; Never mind that every member of the same board told me personally that I did a fantastic job. Never mind that the majority of the cast LOVED me. 1 member said that I was terrible, should never have been given a musical, made her forget her lines and because of that AFTER the show closed, she wrote the letter. The Board discussed it and decided that I should not get a show until I have more experience. Now This person wrote it ANONYMOUSLY!! I can't believe the BOD actually gave it some credence. As a body they all gave the letter some thought. BUT they all came to me and said I was wronged! SO GIVE ME A FREAKIN PLAY!!! I am pretty sure I know who this person is, and if I am right, she was not originally selected for the part, but I called her back because two other people dropped out. Guess who got my play!!!!! yep!! I am so MAD! I have stewed and stewed over it, and it just took all of the glow out of doing GODSPELL. I was walking on air I was so pumped. The cast was fantastic and I made sure they knew that. I never took credit for the job they did. My first thought was to just not go back. But I have to. It is the only thing I have right now/

Which brings me to my second downer. I have no play to prepare for right now, so this whole next year's calendar is BLANK! I have things to do, so I should not be bored, but I don't feel like I have a purpose in life right now. I have no job, I have no play, I have no plans, I have no money to get my knees and back fixed, I have nothing to push me.

My kids are grown, so I am basically out of their lives...I really have no input. So why am I here? What is the purpose of my life? Where am I supposed to go? What am I to believe in?

I am questioning so much right now. Politics is one of them...Right now I am actually thinking of NOT voting for president, so that I can sit back and bitch just like everybody else does. Why are we always pushed into choosing between the lesser of two evils, instead of voting in the BEST PERSON FOR THE JOB! Why can't we write in the name of who we think would be good? I would have voted for Howard Dean I believe. I will not vote for John Kerry!! I do not trust the man. I have something in the back of my head from a long time ago, that I can not find, that makes me feel this way. I think He is dishonest and evil. George W. Bush is not for women's rights, and he is pushing the religion button just a tad too much for me. I have stated before that Government has NO BUSINESS in our religions nor our Bedrooms!! I do not think that a constitutional amendment against same sex marriages should be considered. It is none of the governments business who you marry.

I am also tired to death of people tearing down HEROES. I am talking about anybody that you admire, as your own hero. It is as if they are jealous of what the other person has, so therefore the other person is a crook! I am talking here about Martha Stewart. I love Her, Her Show, Her products, Her magazine. and If she did lie she is NOT the first person to have done so. If she is guilty of lying do like you have done for every other celebrity, slap her hand! She has been punished enough! She personally has LOST millions and not just from the sale of Imclone. The publicity has killed the stock value of MSO, and in doing that thousands of other people have lost also. I think that the judge should sentence her to just community service, helping out in a women's shelter, or hiring unemployed homemakers to work in her company. Mentor a displaced homemaker, help one start their own business. I think Martha has been punished enough, whether she is truly guilty or not.

I am also questioning my faith. I have been for some time. I just can not believe that a forgiving GOD allows people to kill other people in HIS name! We all believe in the same GOD, we just don't agree in the Messiah! I talk to my Lord every single day, and he does answer me. He just does not tell me who the true Messiah is. Maybe they are all the same. Maybe he had to send them down differently so that different cultures would have someone to believe in.

All of this has been affecting my moods, and my mind... I barked at Donna over something little. She left her clothes laying on the floor in her bedroom, and Loki once again, peed on them. He hates her for some reason, and pees on anything she owns. Her luggage, her rug in the bathroom, the dirty laundry on the floor, her shopping bags. I have asked her to keep her room picked up and the door closed. It happened again last night!! Loki does not do that anywhere else, just on Donnas stuff.

Now I realize that choosing a president , believing in God and my cat peeing are not all on the same level to any of you, but when they all are on your mind, it just takes a spark to blow, and I did! She may move out tomorrow, I don't know, but she will have a devil of a time finding a place that costs as little as she is paying here. ( yes I am mean, I do charge her rent..But not very much at all)

So I have been sitting her for an hour blathering on and on, but at least now I have it all off my chest. Thanks for listening, I feel sooo much better....