Thursday, November 04, 2004

For those who hate their jobs!

Over the past month or so I have heard several of you complain about your jobs and how you hate them. Vegas Baby, Blogeois, Critterchick, KB, This one’s for YOU!

This is even funnier when you realize it's real! Next time you have a
bad day at work, think of this guy. Rob is a commercial saturation diver for
Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore
drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent
it to radio station 103.2 on the FM dial in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, who was
sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.

"Hi Sue, Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.

As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to
the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So
what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water
heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks water out of the sea. It
heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver
through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a
darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I
do, is when I get to the bottom and start working, I take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's
like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to
itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the Damage was done.

In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked
up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair
on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His
instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five
other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the
dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops
totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin
my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing
nothing but my brass helmet.

As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter
running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my
butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't
poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut. So, next time
you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you
had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.

Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, and I love my job."

No comments: