Sunday, January 08, 2006

A rerun...and a Sunday funny!!

22nd straight day of rain!!!


No one told me that when I retired, I would start looking really old. I dont have to do my hair everyday. I dont have to wear makeup every day. I dont have to wear panty hose every day, I can wear big baggy clothes and go bra-less. All of the above when added together spells OLD! Now I KNEW my hair was gray, I wanted it to go gray, It is a rite of passage to get gray, and mine is a pretty white gray. It is just in front, and lots of people spend lots of money to frost their hair the way mine looks. sort of. Old!I KNEW I was Fat. But what I did NOT know was that when you go bra-less, it feels really good, you can breath better, your shoulders dont hurt as much, BUT your bust line is now at your waist line. OLD! I KNEW that wearing makeup covered a multitude of sins, but I did Not know that it also covered age spots, double chins, skin tags, sagging eyelids and gray eyebrows that thinned out so far, naturally, that it looks like you shaved 1/2 of them off. OLD!

I KNEW that I should wax my upper lip every so often, but I did NOT know that it would become MORE often as you age. I now have more hair on my upper lip than I have on my legs. OLD! I did not know that my lips would get chapped. I wore lipstick every day, all day, which kept them moist. Now they are chapped. AHA wear lipstick again, I did NOT know that your lips thinned out. I put my lipstick on without a mirror, which is what I have been doing for 38 years, and when I went into the bathroom I noticed that I had lipstick WAAAY outside my lipline. It was there before, why isnt it now? OLD.

I KNEW that my pantyhose were control top, but what I did NOT know was how MUCH they controlled!!! Gravity took over, and now my belly button says Howdy to my twat. OLD!

There are women out there that are in denial of getting OLD, wake up every morning and go through their usual ritual of putting all of the above on. Why? Is it vanity, Denial, or Just not wanting the rest of the world to see the real you? Should I get up and do all of that? Should I live with it and be comfortable? SHould I do SOME of it and skip the rest? What is the pay off? WIll it get me a husband that will take care of me the rest of my life? NO. Will it bring me tons of money to my door? NO! Will it set a great example for other people? NO! Hmmmm....makes ya wonder. I think that growing old gracefully is a blessing. There are real challenges, true, but why try to look 22 when you are pushing 60? Go with the flow, rejoice that you MADE it to 60. Just be really sure that you put all of this stuff on when you go out to meet the world. Scaring little kids is not nice!

Tonight as I d my 25 junk emails, this popped out at me from my next door neighbor! I laughed!! good thing I did not have coffee in my mouth. WARNING BRENDA...Coffee Spewer..

First Date

We have all had bad dates... But this takes the cake.This just tells you how tough it is to be singlenowadays.

This was on the "Tonight Show" with JayLeno. Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!

She said it was midwinter... Snowing and quite cold...and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.

They were driving back down the mountain, when she graduallybegan to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it,which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her pee beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.

They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watchingfor traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation. Upon finishing however, she soon became aware o fanother sensation.

As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to pump handles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold.

Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor ofthe moment, she answered her date's concerns about "what is taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off and in need of some assistance!" He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem.

They both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender. As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down or perhaps that should be pants down. And you thought your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno's comment, "This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off!

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL Now THAT is friendship!

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