Monday blahs...

Well, I did not get elected to the Board of Directors. I was really hoping I would, as I was really qualified. I have 21 shows under my belt, I do a LOT of unpaid work for the office, I spend a LOT of time setting lights and getting the cues correct, not to mention the hours that I spend on producing and directing a show. I guess I was not qualified enough. I think I am going to start cutting back. I Love what I do, but ya know, sometimes it is nice to know that the work you do and the MONEY you spend is appreciated. Ten years is how long I have been with the Playhouse, and I thought that I finally had enough time involved to be able to serve on the board and make a qualified informed job of being part of the Running of the Playhouse.

Ya know what folks, it isn't about being qualified, and it isn't about being informed, and it isn't about how much money you spend out of your own pocket, nor how much time you invest to put on a quality show. It is all about Schmoozing...And I do not do that well. I have always been honest and open, and I feel that what I do should be enough. It shouldn't be about how much I gossip with the rest.

I guess it all comes down to IT REALLY IS. I am hurt, again, and I am ready to fold up all my books and walk away. I probably wont, because I am a very loyal dedicated schmuck who loves to keep getting hit in the face with a pie. Sucker for punishment I guess, But once again, the fire has been stomped on and water poured on it, and the ashes stirred, to ensure it stays out. What I am hoping though, is that somewhere down deep there is still an ember burning, that will spark a new fire, and I will stay. Right now, I am not so sure.

I don't show my feelings, so no one knows I cried all the way home. And no one knows I was up all night trying to talk myself out of this big blue funk. I just wonder what I needed to do that I did not do. What element was I missing, what made me not qualified? I am so tired of being hurt. I just don't know if it is all worth it anymore.