Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Life goes on, even when you dont want it to...

Kate needs you! Kate has been a favorite read of mine for over a year. She gets on a roll, and writes the longest posts ever, about the sun! She writes about the moose babies in her yard. she writes about Himself, her husband, and how she waits for him to get home from his job up North.

Kate lost her husband unexpectedly last week. He was working in the yard with her, and he had a massive heart attack and try as she might, she could not save him. He was young. They had only been married a few years. She is Heartbroken.

She finally wrote about it, and needed to, she does feel better. However Kate needs to know that life will go on, even though we may not want it to. Even though it does not seem fair that it should. SHe needs to hear from people that can help her heal. Thank you NJ and Barb. Your words to her helped her get it out and on her blog.

Both Nj and Barbara recently lost their husbands, and they too had to come to terms with living alone. One was expected, one was totally NOT. Both left spouses that miss them immensely! Both spouses have gone on living through grief that consumed them.

I lost my husband 10 years ago, but was not permitted the grief process. Jim and I were separated and then divorced. Jim and I were both the best of friends, and I had just talked to him for over an hour the day before he too died suddenly and with out warning. I was in shock, and I had to get my kids to Michigan and then I had to work. You see, when you are divorced, society expects that all ties to the former spouse have been broken. They are not always. I hurt inside for quite awhile, because neither my family nor my friends realized that I needed to get it out, that I needed to share my grief. I was married to him for 24 years, I raised two children with him. All of my memories were with him. ANd I had to grieve alone.

Life is so fragile. Even the strongest life can be taken quickly, and without warning. Even the most fragile life can leave in it's wake a family that grieves for the life that was lost. Everyone needs to talk about it and get it out where they can come to terms with it and heal.

NJ had her blog, and her friends and her church, and family. NJ also had plenty of warning, as her husband was home to die of cancer. NJ grieves still, although she is getting much better, and has realized that life does go on. She has learned however that it is not easy doing things alone.

Barbara is not a blogger, but she had her Church, her family and her firends and her STRENGTH. Barbara was determined that she would go on, that things would not get her down, and that she would keep her husbands memory alive, by being the strong woman that she knew he would want her to be. She also still grieves, and is surprised that she still can.

KAte is very strong also, and will realize it soon. THe family will go back to the lower 48, and leave her alone. Her friends will be there, but they have lives too. They will slowly start to leave her more and more alone.

The days up there will become darker and the weather will get much colder, and Kate will have to spend the long dark winter alone for the first time. That is where I will come into play. I do not know her really well, but She will know that she is not alone. I will send her snail mail, along with the emails I send her every day right now. I will let her know that she is NOT alone, that life, as much as we may not want it to, will continue and we are expected to move on.

Grief is such a strange emotion. It is all encompassing in the beginning, and then slowly you realize that you did not cry for a few hours, that you actually did watch a tv program with out thinking of them. That you do remember how to laugh. And just when you least expect it, you cry again. As Bara said, You WAIL! and WAIL And Wail! and then suddenly it is over and you go on. And on. Soon you realize that the wailing becomes less and less, and gives way to an occaisional stray tear or two, and then it becomes a sniff, and soon after that you realize that you can think about them without crying, that you can remember the good times, that the sun does shine again. That you can tell a joke and laugh out loud. ANd before you know it, you are healing, and living again.

Your experience through all of this helps the people who have not gone through it before. Stick your hand out to those that are grieving. THey need to talk about it, they need to share their experiences, they need you to help them heal. They need to learn that they can laugh again. Do not be afraid of them. It isnt catching.

Stop by Kates place and just say hi, and tell her that she is not alone. Stop by and read NJ's place, and say Hi and that you are amazed at how far she has come. Barbara does not have a blog, but she has email and it would be nice if you could drop her a line or two and tell her how wonderful she is for being the strong, caring person that she is. You will be stronger just for knowing them all.

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