OHMIGAWD!!!!!

My dearest most beloved darling daughter omnipotent empress of the universe, Has bought me a bathing suit. It is an aquatard. Has bike short legs, and a tank top all in one. In PURPLE! I put it on, albeit very gingerly, as it was kinda odd. I got it pulled up, and the bike short legs were too big, my toothpick legs did not fill them out! So then I went for the top. I pulled, and I tugged, and I grunted, and I jumped up and down, and I STILL could not get my boobs into the top. I finally got my left shoulder into the arm hole, and tugged some more and got my right shoulder into it's armhole, but my Boobs were still hanging out. THey were not just hanging out the front, they were hanging out under the armpits too. When Did I grow 4 of them? I pushed and pulled and flattened and finally got them all tucked in and went into the Front room to look into the mirror on the side boy.




OH WRONG MOVE!!! It was horrible! I looked like a giant eggplant on two toothpicks! Seriously! I cant go to aquarobics in this! I can't be seen in public looking like this! THey will call the Orca museum on San Juan Island to come pick me up! OHMIGAWD!!!!

I have a very large tee shirt that I can wear over the top part, and I suppose it would work. I took it off, and as I was peeling my ass out of it, I noticed the bra built into the BACK of the suit. Now why do you suppose they put the bra back there? Maybe they know something I dont!

Hope I dont sink!