A Mother's Fears...

I have been told by both of my children that I worry far too much. I keep telling them that that is my JOB! I am supposed to worry! And I do it well!!

When they were brand new babies, I would check on them often to make sure they were still asleep, and breathing fine. I would shake the crib to see them wiggle, and I got hardly any rest with Them.

Donna NEVER slept through the night, she was up every 4 hours for her bottle. And when she got older she would wake up find her empty bottle and bash me on the head with it, Until I got her another one. Thank GOD they came out with plastic ones when Tim was born.

Tim on the other hand slept through the night from the second day home. I worried about him constantly. He was born 7 weeks late, and was huge at 10 lbs. He was very slow in development, and was diagnosed with static borderline CP. He was only 3 when that was told to us. He was always a big clumsy kid. He did out grow it though. When he turned 14, He was on his way to 6 foot 5" and good looking!! He played in the band, and the jazz band. And was on the championship baseball team in his Jr year. They won State that year and Aaron Sele was the star pitcher at North Kitsap High.

I worried about him learning to drive, and never went to sleep until I heard the car come roaring down the high way and then speed shift down so I would not know he was speeding. I worried about him playing tag football with the guys, afraid he would get hurt. ( He never did, but I still worried. )

When he moved away from home up to Orcas Island, I worried about him making the right choices. I worried when I listened to the scanner and could hear him talking on the radio to the fire chief while he was in a burning building. He was a good volunteer fireman and a good EMT.

I still worry about him, and I worry about Donna too, but this isn't about her. Tim has made some very stupid choices in the past 4 years, and now that he is in trouble again, I worry that he will still make the wrong choices when he gets out. He just never seems to learn his lessons.

A mother never stops worrying. I wish I could. I wish I could forget that I ever had children, but I cant. I Love them too much. They are my heart and soul. I want the best for them, but that does not mean MONEY, it means happiness, and contentment. And a safe loving life style. I am terrified that Tim especially will get into some really serious trouble and get hurt badly.

I called the jail today and visiting hours are M-W-F from 1-430, for 10 minutes at a time. So tomorrow I will toddle myself into town and see just what all he is in for. I still am not certain what the charge is. I know it was selling a controlled substance to an undercover cop, but I DON'T know which substance.

I think I will make him his sign now....STUPID....Here ya go. And I worry still. Sure puts gray hairs on your head!!